Always on the cutting edge of breath-taking journalism, ABC News reports that area in which there are more guns also -- now, be sure you're sitting for this one -- have a higher suicide rate than other, less-armed areas.

Suicide? I think not. Rather, I believe the guns are killing people (screw that shit about people doing the dirty deeds). It's been guns and their malignant consciousness slowly doing away with the lives of brave, second-amendment-championing Americans. I say we declare war on guns ASAP, before it's too late. Haven't you ever read Stephen King's "Trucks," you complacent fool?!

  posted by S. Parker @ 9:18 AM